Owen's Definitive Guide to Cursing
We have our friends Bert and Rae to thank for so many things in our lives...a deep and abiding friendship, a place to stay whenever we come to LA, Owen's love for all things Star Wars, and, most recently, a revelatory conversation of every curse word Owen knows.
Bert is a big movie buff, and the guest room where Owen slept over Thanksgiving led to many questions about the Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and Back to the Future memorabilia hanging on the walls and on the shelves. The tale of Marty McFly going back in time most captured his attention, and he wanted to know if he could watch it on Netflix.
"When you're older."
"Why? Is it inappropriate?"
"Does it have bad words?"
"Yes." (You see how I keep it simple. No need to elaborate on all of the other reasons he can't watch it...stereotypes of Libyans, explanations of "who is Calvin Klein?", the character Biff as a whole, etc.)
"Perhaps, Mom, I DO know a lot of bad words." Yes, Owen uses the word "perhaps" whenever he is trying to make his point. Read: he uses the word perhaps more than any one else I know.
Long pause..."Lay it on me. What words do you know?"
No pause. "The H-word, S-word, B-word, and a few SH-words."
I refrained from exhaling any of those words from under my breath. Another deep breath.
"Oh, really?" I pretend I know none of those words. "What does that mean..."the H-word"?
My shoulders relax from the anxiety, I hold in a chuckle, and I ask him to go on.
"Also, Stupid, butt, and shut up."
I concur that none of these words build people up, and we enjoy a comfortable silence.
"Oh, and Mom...you know I don't say these words, but there is another one that is very mean...you know, "SHRIMP". You should never call someone a shrimp."
Now, I laugh.