Monday, September 12, 2011

Trouble Sleeping??

So, Mommy is at Back to School Night and can't tuck you in? This change in routine might be upsetting to some and impede their bedtime routine. What to do? I don't know.

But here's what NOT to do:

#1 Don't sleep on your comfy bed. Make a pallet for yourself on the floor.
#2 Don't bother with comfy clothes. Add an itchy, polyester tutu from your bottom drawer. Pull that over your monkey pajamas. Don't look at the monkeys...they'll give you nightmares.
#3 Don't invest in a sleep mask. A pair of sunglasses works just fine. Hint: wear them upside down so they pinch your nose. Might help with the sleep apnea or snoring...pending FDA approval.
#4 Don't cuddle with any of your soft lovies. Choose a naked plastic baby and cuddle her feet first. (Maybe her baby doll is a breech baby too?)
#5 Don't sleep on your regular pillow. Drag a boppy out of your closet to get your neck creaked just enough to let visions of chiropractic care dance in your head.
#6 Don't worry about a bedtime snack. Play Russian roulette with an old sippy cup. Could be water, could be homemade yogurt.
#7 Don't worry about bedhead. Did you look in the mirror before you laid down? Already there.
#8 Don't bother covering yourself up with a blanket. Leave it to catch the pee that would have otherwise been caught by the pullup you took off and left on the other side of the baby gate.
#9 Don't skip nighttime prayers. You've obviously stolen your brother's race car and Buzz Lightyear. Repentance is like a glass of warm milk.

Yet, she's asleep. Maybe she's onto something after all.

Whatever your bedtime routine may be, I say, "Sleep tight! Don't let the bedbugs bite."


Jodi said...

Holy Moly, that is FUNNY! (love your commentary the most....) :) :) :)

Kelly said...

Absolute greatness!